Stressful class and questioning moments


As noted on my “So Who is Jess?” I am a Sociology major nearing the end of my degree program, I specifically study Sex and Gender (Anyone care to guess why?).  However in all of my discussions, papers and projects where I have worked on women’s issue, BDSM, gendered media and intersexed people I have never breached the topic of Crossdressing or Transvestitism in depth until class today.  That was a scary experience to say the least trying to ensure I said they instead of we and wondering if I was exposing myself too much.  I have taken classes with all of these people and the prof before so they know that I have a particular interest in gender as a sociological concept and I had done legitimate research on the topic so I was citing academic sources but I felt like everything was closing in on me.  Though I have never held back on topics such as feminist theory or Drag so this was likely not a surprise to them but it still felt like everyone was looking through my jeans and could see my panties (even though today it was boxers).  Throughout my academic career I have avoided the very subject that motivated me to go back to university for one reason, fear of exposing too much.  Now that I am coming into the twilight of my undergrad I decided now is the time to really work with this part of me academically and I am beginning to question this course of action.  Can I really bring myself to write a paper on something that is such a large part of my life?  Can I afford not to?

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